First Time Home Buyer

I am a First Time Home Buyer, after years of waiting, we are finally there. And what better time, right? The good deals, the good interest rates. The excitement of it all. I have been planning and decorating (in my mind) for the past month, we have a house, we have placed an offer, and it is excepted. In all my ideas of what this would be like it is working out.
EXCEPT- the house is not the house of my dreams. I really imagined I would live in one of those houses in a subdivision. I am not a "character" kind of girl. I like the manufactured model. I am ok if my house looks exactly like my neighbors- because their house IS beautiful. My kitchen will probably be a cranberry red, with french doors leading to the large backyard, backed up to neighbors with kids my my kids' ages. I can't wait for the cookouts, and neighborhood garage sales. I might paint two rooms a year, afterall, it is brand new, it won't need a lot of work at first. I love my new house, or the idea of my new house. See, I can't afford that house. I can barely afford a fixer upper. The one we bought is cute, quaint shall we say. Old, with lots of "character." The kitchen is already close to the cranberry color I dreamed of, but nothing else quite fits into the picture in my mind. The commandment to not covet my neighbor's house, keeps popping up in my mind. And the need for contentment as well.
The dream is not quite the reality.
And yesterday it all kind of sank in. As I continued to plan in my head and decorate my quaint and "character" filled house, I got the news that our lender was not giving us the loan ,yet. We are supposed to close in three days! And it is now under review. All the talk of appraisals, desk review, field review, inspections, contracts. Is there any other time in your life, that you, of the completely unknown mindset, step into this world of foreign jargon and papers, thousands of papers and are expected to understand. I am not immersed in the real estate world. I show up, am told what to do, that there is this problem or that, get emails with signatures that need to be given and faxed back ASAP. I get phone calls about this or that I didn't send, I, completely unaware to the urgency of it all, and they, completely upset that I just don't get the urgency of it all. My fantasy of this world of home ownership is quickly dwindling. Now those apartments that come with everything and take little commitment are appealing much more to me!
Two and half weeks of waiting, we will see.

Coming up for Air

I feel like I need to come up for air. I have not written in months. I have not read in months. I have literally sat at this computer, googling: houses, paint colors, schools, crime rates, furniture on craig's list. Moving has become my part-time job, actually, it has become my full time job. I am amazed at the amount of hours I spend just researching. What did we do without computers? How would I know my options. I am lucky to have the options, but overwhelmed by them all. So I am coming up for air to write and try reading a book again. Something to make my mind work.
Today my daughter sat and talked with me about bugs and spiders. She wanted to know what they ate. Do they drink pee? Do they die if they eat grapes? What about ants, what do they eat? I wonder why do they think of these things? Right now my mind is empty, but I wanted to just write something so here it is: No spiders don't drink pee, they wont die if they eat grapes, and ants like picnics so they must eat picnic food.

Box of Chocolates

Well, maybe it is because I have given up chocolate, dessert, candy, etc for lent that my box of chocolates is looking less appealing. But I have always loved the poetic idea of life being "like a box of chocolates," so beautifully expressed in the movie Forest Gump. However, the beauty of it has quickly faded as I realized the box of chocolates of a mother seems to lack the excitement and variety of a normal box of chocolates. My box seems to only contain that nutty nugat kind that is always the last to go and is quite stale and not so exciting.
I love chocolates, I love dark chocolate with caramel in side. It is my favorite and I love the excitement of getting to that one, I mostly know what they look like, they are the square ones, usually there are two of them. The boxes with the diagrams take away the excitement of a box of chocolates, in those boxes, you know exactly what you get. You have complete control over each bite. You can pick the ones you like and avoid the ones you dont. But you may never discover the joy of eating a toffee flavored one that you figured you would not try since it was thinner than all the rest, and you really do not want to waste your time on these when you can have an adventure with the chocolate covered cherry cordial, although, I am not a fan of fruit and chocolate I know it is the favorite of many.
But back to the box of chocolates a mother carries. Each bite is not that of an adventure not like the one described above, it is the plain, same flavored box. Each chocolate I try is comparable to the monotony of changing diapers, doing laundry, washing dishes, picking up toys, reading the same of one of three books. It is the same nutty nugat that is ok, but not exciting, not what I had been hoping for when I opened the chocolates.
So bite after bite I make it through my day, my week, my month. Then suddenly what was that taste? It was the caramel!!!! Or my child finally getting something after I had said it 1500 times. And maybe as moms, we just need to eat a lot more chocolate!

Wasting Time

It is amazing to me, how for hours I can sit at this computer and do nothing. The other day my daughter was telling my other daughter how busy I am because I have so much work to do. I overheard the conversation and asked, what work she was referring to. Hoping desperately that she noticed the eight times a day I do dishes, loads of laundry washed and put away or the fun play times I have with them. But no, she remarked, all that work you do on the computer. Your work is on the computer, and you work all day. I couldn't believe it, she really thinks my job is looking at facebook or reading blogs? And yet I still sit here with the computer and the TV on. I am a person in need of distraction, fearful of what I will hear if it becomes too quiet. Probably one of those lessons I need to learn from my little lady.

LIving Free

I have struggled for years with sin, in particular, my addiction to chocolate. To some, this may seem ridiculous. To others, they know exactly what I am talking about. It is one of those sins that I am comfortable with, which is probably the scariest kind. It is that struggle I can joke about—“Oh, yeah, I ate an entire bag of M&M’s, and not just a little bag but the really big one. Ha! Can you believe it?” Well, many days that is exactly what I would do. I would buy a bag of M&M’s to practice self-discipline, and often the bag would be half gone before I even made it home from the grocery store. I am known by many for my love of those little chocolate candies. Really, most chocolate will do. I am particularly fond of any chocolate that is in close relationship to peanut butter. “Food is something God has given us,” I rationalize; “it is necessary for life, and God wants us to enjoy the things he has given us.” But for me, it is not that; it is a sin, an addiction. My life is often planned around the trip to the store, where I can get my chocolate. I wear this sin quite comfortably, though. It bothers me at times, but usually it is like the big comfy sweatshirt I put on in the winter that makes me feel warm and safe. I know for a fact that M&M’s will never tell me to put them down. They will never scream at me, “Stop eating me!” They will always, always taste good. I fight hard to have that comfy sweatshirt in my closet, just in case the day has beaten me down, and I need it.
And for lent, I am giving it up, chocolate, candy, cookies and cake, the opportunity to be free. Two years ago after some issues with my kidney, surgery and a miscarriage, I gave it up for lent and for 40 days I was free, then I put the sweatshirt back on and it has come out more and more often, so once again, I am throwing it in the dumpster, to walk free again.

Are we there yet?

I can hear it before I even get in the van. Is it born into our children, the phrase "are we there yet?" Starts just 10 minutes after loading in the van. Even if it is only a 20 minute drive. Even with all the anticipation of waiting to get there. Planning, whether it is a trip to the mall, grandma's house, or a summer camping trip. Most times we leave the house it is at the very least a day of planning, sometimes months. And we wait and plan and anticipate. Then we get in the car and we cry, are we there yet! Then the whole way there we say, "I just want to be there!" I say it too, often joining in around hour three to my husband pleading, Please, can't we just be there. It has been the story of my life. So often I miss out on the trip. The adventure getting there. The stops at the gas stations. The uninterrupted talks with my husband while my children watch hours of DVD's in the back. And they do not even take for granted that mom is monitoring "screen time." Then we get there, and suddenly we get there. Now what. I can't wait to get home. That is usually just me, but it is so much work I just want to go back.

Isn't that how life is?I have been waiting almost 9 years for my husband to be done with school and actually get a job. Any job really. And he finally is doing it! He is going to graduate this spring and has a job teaching. And I am sooooo thankful. For years, I have been yelling in his ear, sometimes with happy anticipation, sometime inpatient, Are we there yet? When will we be there? Now as this day draws closer, fear is starting to grip me, what happens when I get there, will life stop, will I want to go back, have I enjoyed the ride getting there.

To be honest, I think I need to stop thinking of it as getting there, until I am home, my final home in Heaven, until then, hopefully I can enjoy the journey, and stop asking if we are there yet!

Children say the Darndest Thing

It is a saying we hear all the time, but they do, don't they?

We homeschool and my oldest is 6, she is working on adding and likes to use her fingers. Although now she is adding double digits. Her three year old sister offered as walking through the living room, let me know if you need my hands, wiggling her fingers. 20 fingers helps when adding double digits, I smiled at her sisterly offer.

The newest phrase going through schools it seems is, "you get what you get and you don't throw a fit!" My three year old uses it on a daily basis, mostly to herself. While watching Road to Avonlea the movie last week, she looked at me, and said, "mom, they just don't get it, you get what you get and you don't throw a fit!"

Again, a movie, she was watching the new American Girl movie. The boy in the movie bumps his head. She could feel the tears welling in her eyes and had no idea what to do so she started laughing. I asked why she was laughing, she said, "because I feel like crying, I don't know what to do!"

And finally, this was a few years ago. My oldest was sharing with me after dance that one of her friends had told her that her grandpa had died. I had not prepared her for a situation like this and curious how she would respond, I asked, "did you tell your friend you were sorry?" She said, "MOM! I didn't do it!"

I love kids and the things they say! Feel free to share any stories you have!